Stronger Better Me

Last night I went out for supper with a friend who I haven’t seen in weeks.  We had a good chat about the ex.  She asked how I was getting on.  I explained what I had done in making the decision to cut off contact and we then got into the conversation about his ex wife.  It was a girl to girl chat about how women behave.  I came away from the chat even more frustrated than ever about how his ex-wife has behaved. 

To me, she is one of those women who give women a bad name.  The high maintenance control and mental attitude is at the very least disappointing and at the most off the chart.  I know based on this blog so far, there is so much to be said for being in a relationship with a narc and we could argue that this is what has ‘made her’ behave in this way.  But I disagree.

I knew my ex over 10 years ago and he was a much calmer version of himself.  I know from a tip off, that his ex-wife was always a controlling nutcase, even in her days at Uni.  So whether she, or he was predisposed to being a narc years and years ago, they have clearly revved each other up to such a degree, that now, they are both, truly messed up. 

I wonder who had the personality disorder first?  Him or her? And I wonder how a relationship with two people who are as controlling as each other can function in a healthy way.  I wonder too how a child can come through this unscathed.  Imagine having two narc parents.  Good god!  The idea of it is terrifying.  I can only hope for him that one cancels out the other and he escapes scott free noticing that the behaviour both his parents displays is completely and utterly mental.

Either way, I will never get my answers.  All I know is I loved him, not her.  He, in my eyes, tried to escape.  He attempted to extract himself from her mad clutches and become a better person.  Could this be the daily journey of a narc, to try and be an even better false self?  I suppose it is.  Yet by never letting her go, and through her manipulation on a daily basis of his world, there was no hope.  Our relationship was doomed from day one.  I wish I had seen it.  I wish I had escaped earlier before I sold my soul to the devil. 

Regrets are pointless and actually the best thing I can think now, is how much I learned.  What I got out of it and how much I have developed as a person.  I have gained a massive amount of knowledge through the experience and it is opened my eyes to this terrible curse women endure on a daily basis.  The curse of falling in love with a narc.  I want to help, I want others to find the strength to get out and rebuild their lives.  I hope this blog helps at least one other woman as for me, every word I write will be worth it.

I have had a lucky escape and I am in a place where I am finding a stronger better me.