This blog has been created as I want to share my story. I am extracting myself from a relationship with someone who is the most controlling man I know. You may use the word narcissist (I frequently have), and I have even used my unprofessional diagnosis by describing him and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), either way, he's 'not well'.
I fell in love, hard. I thought I had found my person. And if you read any web page about the world of a relationship with a narcissist, I can tick almost every box when I think of my relationship. I have reached my end point. I am done. I am unable to cope any more with his behaviour and I know, I have to be strong. I know, I have to make the decision to be strong and brave, every day and get myself through this and out of the other side. If writing a blog, helps one other woman, it is worth every word I write on this page.
Today it a significant day for me. It is one year since I told him I loved him. I am ashamed to admit, I wanted to be with him tonight. I saw him this morning, when he handed me a gift to note the date, and he was in tears. Again. I spent the day thinking maybe I ought to see him later. I don't know why the pull of the drug was stronger today, perhaps the poignant date, but I phoned him. I said I would meet him after a party I had to drive back from. I asked him not to drink and he promised.
'If there is a 1% chance of us ever being back together, I promise I wont drink tonight'.
I agreed to meet him and went to my party. I left the party and I sent him a message as I drove away from the party. I actually genuinely thought he would keep his promise, but no, he admitted to 'having a few drinks'. The disappointment was enormous. His relationship with alcohol is both terrifying and nerve wracking for me. I said I would not meet him and on reflection, dodged a bullet, and he went mad.
'You are so f**king selfish, you are a c**t'
Closely followed by
'I love you baby, please don't do this to me, you are my world, please meet me. Please. Please. Please. Please. I have only had three drinks'
And in that moment, my decision was made. This, is D Day. This is the end.
I fell in love, hard. I thought I had found my person. And if you read any web page about the world of a relationship with a narcissist, I can tick almost every box when I think of my relationship. I have reached my end point. I am done. I am unable to cope any more with his behaviour and I know, I have to be strong. I know, I have to make the decision to be strong and brave, every day and get myself through this and out of the other side. If writing a blog, helps one other woman, it is worth every word I write on this page.
Today it a significant day for me. It is one year since I told him I loved him. I am ashamed to admit, I wanted to be with him tonight. I saw him this morning, when he handed me a gift to note the date, and he was in tears. Again. I spent the day thinking maybe I ought to see him later. I don't know why the pull of the drug was stronger today, perhaps the poignant date, but I phoned him. I said I would meet him after a party I had to drive back from. I asked him not to drink and he promised.
'If there is a 1% chance of us ever being back together, I promise I wont drink tonight'.
I agreed to meet him and went to my party. I left the party and I sent him a message as I drove away from the party. I actually genuinely thought he would keep his promise, but no, he admitted to 'having a few drinks'. The disappointment was enormous. His relationship with alcohol is both terrifying and nerve wracking for me. I said I would not meet him and on reflection, dodged a bullet, and he went mad.
'You are so f**king selfish, you are a c**t'
Closely followed by
'I love you baby, please don't do this to me, you are my world, please meet me. Please. Please. Please. Please. I have only had three drinks'
And in that moment, my decision was made. This, is D Day. This is the end.
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