Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Being a Fixer

Did you know lots of women who fall in love with a man who is inflicted with some kind of narcissistic personality disorder are often described as fixers. We are the women who want to help, who want to make it all better and who want heal someone else. 

It's actually a dangerous trait despite the fact it comes from a good place.  It is driven by love, real love and true commitment to working thorugh things.  That is the irony of it all.  I was told repeatedly, over and over that I failed to work hard enough to make a success of our relationship.  The ultimate projection as I was doing exactly that.  I was working incredibly hard to ‘fix’ it and make it all ok.  The thing is, fixing a man with a personality disorder is impossible. 

To accept I was fighting a losing battle is a hard pill to swallow.  The admission is painful and I fight to pull myself away from the word failure.  It is a big word and I ask myself, did I really fail?  The right question is probably, could I have succeeded?  My mind gives me a resounding ‘no’ when I ask the question.

Whatever I did, however much I gave and with all the commitment in the world.  I would never have succeeded in having a rewarding relationship. 

I must keep reminding myself….

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